I haven’t written in a while. Haven’t put pen to paper, in fact, this is the first time in months that I’m working on something other than excel sheets. If truth be told, it’s been a long time since I typed out actual words, at least those which weren’t part of an e-mail. Which is quite strange indeed. Whether it was in the midst of the hundreds of people during hostel life or the silent rainy afternoons, I’ve always been able to etch out words on paper and keep my hyperactive imagination occupied. Those days, when the words started flowing, they never seemed to stop. A drop became a trickle, and then the trickle a torrent; bringing with it the landslide of all pent up emotions¸thoughts and fantasies. All too precious, too cherished and too ugly to be shared with the rest of the world. And yet, I seem to have wandered into a barren land now. The blue collared slave in me seems to wait only for the promise of the weekend. Every Friday I make a plan to find meaning once again in a life I had always wanted for myself. The ghost of this weekly resolution returns to her grave as soon as the distraction of the week arrives. Girly pink shoes one weekend, the fleeting crush the next. Friends to meet, places to visit, things to buy. It’s kinda weird. One part of me wants to seek out multitude of new experiences, people and sensations. The other wants to stop and smell the daisies, or at least begin looking for them. But neither of them is the villain of this piece. Time is. Rather the lack of it.
But to say that one doesn’t have time for something has always seemed to me to be the heights of indulgence. And hence in this case I have to hold myself responsible for my own predicament. When you really want something, you make time for it. Time, no matter what they say, is relative. That is why I guess we can still “make” time for things that are important to us. It’s as if we are creating time for the things that we hold dear. I guess at the end of the day, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. With or without the pink peep-toed heels and Mr. Christian Bale’s company.
